Each quarter I post a review of a leadership/motivational book I recommend to colleagues and friends. Some may be old favorites, others are hot off the press. I am always open to suggestions for books to review. If you have a favorite you'd like to share with others, please contact me.

UNPLUG THE CHRISTMAS MACHINE:
A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season
By Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli

“When you take away the fuss and the bother, Christmas is just another is just another big meal.”

Whoa! What happened to the magic and the joy of the holidays? What happened to the wonder of the season that surrounded us as children?

While the title refers to the “Christmas” machine, this book, first published in 1991, is must-read for anyone those holidays have become more nightmare than nutcracker, more dread than dreidel, or more frenzy than fasting.

Do you wish for a simpler, less commercial, more soul-satisfying holiday?

The Christmas holidays as we know them were not even in evidence as late as 150 years ago according to authors Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli, Their research shows that few newspapers had ads for things to “buy for Christmas”. The few in evidence were for children’s toys.

Further evidence: a closer look at Dickens’s A Christmas Carol shows two celebrations: one in Scrooge’s past and one shown to him by Christmas present. The one in his past was an “office party” if you will. There was singing, dancing, eating…but no gifts.

The second one, at Bob Cratchit’s house, had the famous Christmas goose, singing and merriment, but no gifts.

Why did Scrooge bah-humbug through the holidays? There was no chance to make a profit! Gift giving was of minor importance. In today’s world, Scrooge would be dancing a jig as people knocked each other down to buy, buy, buy.

Christmas shopping really began nearly 100 years ago—around WWI. Without gift giving and commercialism, the holiday could stay anchored in the appropriate season. We could marvel at the fall colors without being hit with the greens and reds of Christmas in October.

Shopping, say the authors, is not the only stressor. There is far more than just the shopping. More insidious are our expectations. We expect the holidays to:

• Strengthen family ties
• Give spirits a lift
• Stimulate generosity and compassion
• Renew relationships with far-flung friends
• Confirm religious beliefs
• Show our prowess as hosts and hostesses

All of this takes tremendous work. Spend a moment on the chores the holidays entail:

• The visible chores:  cards, decorating, cooking, and baking
• The invisible chores: deciding what to buy, looking for bargains, wrapping, mailing, hauling kids to special events, celebrations with food that weigh us down and throw us off healthy eating.

The trap is that many of us LIKE and take pleasure in all of this. We try to cram too much in. We (mainly women) become overloaded and:

• Fail to share the chores
• Fail to delegate the other stuff

Men Are Often On The Sidelines
How involved is your spouse in holiday prep? Often time spouses (husbands) are the “stage hands” at the holidays. Less involved, less excited. Other than putting lights out and putting toys together they are often on the periphery. Society gives them little encouragement to get more involved.

What would the holidays be like if the male point of view were better represented? The authors ask male readers:  what of your childhood traditions are reflected in your current celebrations?

For many men, the key is a more active role. When the load becomes more evenly divided, they get more involved and women get more of a chance to relax and enjoy.

What Do Children Really Want For Christmas?
Many people say the holidays should be child-centered. Today’s children are defenseless against holiday commercialism. With harried, working, overloaded parents, the magic of the holidays is on TV, not at home.

In “Unplug The Christmas Machine”, the authors maintain that children want four things for Christmas:

• A relaxed and loving time with people who love them
• Realistic expectations about gifts
• An evenly paced holiday
• Reliable family traditions

Traditions are especially important, say the authors, when there has been a major transition in the family (death, divorce, move, remarriage).

Who shapes your children’s expectations for the holidays? What are your children’s treasured traditions in your family? Ask them. You may be surprised at their answers.

Think back to last year. When did “Christmas” end? Was it over with the mad scramble to open the gifts? What did the kids in your family have to look forward to after December 25?

Unplug the Christmas Machine recommends a more evenly paced holiday.
How can you spread out Christmas, so that it is more than just presents?

• Dec 1 – get out music
• Dec 15 - decorate the tree
• Dec 25 - gifts
• Dec 27 - visit to grandparents
• Jan 1 - potluck for friends with kids.

The “Extra” Gift for the Unexpected Giver
My mom always bought an “extra” gift in case someone stopped by with an unexpected gift. I have followed that “tradition”, Which of these “rules” apply to your holiday giving? Seeing them written down may bring a chuckle until you realized how many you actually abide by.

• Give a gift to everyone you expect to get one from.
• If someone gives you a gift unexpectedly, reciprocate that year.
• When you add a name to your gift list, give that person a gift every year thereafter.
• The amount of money you spend on a gift determines how much you care about the recipient.
• Gifts exchanged between adults should be roughly equal in value.
• The presents you give someone should be consistent in value over the years.
• If you give a gift to a person in one category (for example, a co-worker), give a gift to everyone in that category and these gifts should be similar in value.
• Women should give gifts to their close woman friends.
• Men should not give gifts to their male friends—unless those gifts are alcoholic beverages.

When people choose gifts with love and sensitivity and not by these rules, the holiday takes on fresh meaning.

Changing Long Established Holiday Traditions Takes Time.
The first step is to know what you want your holidays to be.

One of the difficulties with the holidays is that people haven’t taken time to define for themselves what is most important to them about the holidays. They rely on habit, commercial pressures, and other people’s priorities to determine the quality of their celebrations.

To de-stress our holidays, we need to make conscious choices because the holidays offer so many possibilities that choosing between them is not easy. Instead we often try to do it all.

What would the holiday be like if you could throw out all your old ideas and start again?

To live out even a part of your holiday fantasy, you have to know what it is. Creating the fantasy is an important step because it can give you a new enthusiasm for the holiday and the direction in which to head to build a better celebration.

What often does not show up in the perfect holiday is bored teenagers, crying babies, people who have had too much to drink, and the bills that come after. Our fantasy holiday is all the fun with none of the responsibility…just like when we were kids

It is a fantasy, yes--and for everyone there are parts that can happen. The authors offer a challenge: gather your family and ask each person to write a description of their fantasy holiday. The exercise is about discovering both the pieces that can be incorporated and what is NOT there that can be let go. Letting go of traditions and activities no one enjoys is part of the awareness and the “refreshing” of the coming holiday season.

Unplug the Christmas Machine is a hidden treasure in the world of holiday books. While it may not be available in bookstores, it is available through amazon.com and livingsimple.com. Click on the book cover at the top of the page and be taken directly to it at amazon.

Make this holiday season more rewarding, more refreshing and more joyful by beginning to look at what you and your family really want your holidays to be.

Happy Holidays!

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