Each quarter I post a review of a leadership/motivational book I recommend to colleagues and friends. Some may be old favorites, others are hot off the press. I am always open to suggestions for books to review. If you have a favorite you'd like to share with others, please contact me.

BREAKING THE PATTERN: Five Principles You Need to Remodel Your Life
by Charles Stuart Platkin

I heard about Breaking the Pattern from a number of people:

• A coaching client said he had never read a book that spoke so frankly about failure, and framed it in a way that gave him energy rather than sucking it away.
• My then-chiropractor said the book changed her life. After reading it, she kept extra copies in her office to lend to her patients.

Breaking the Pattern is laid out according to the Five Principles:

• Patterns
• Failure
• Responsibility
• Goals
• Achievement

For each Principle, the author:

• explains the concept,
• gives examples,
• offers exercises and questions to get the reader started learning how the Principle relates to themselves
• summarizes the main points at the end of each chapter.

Big picture:  I like it when ideas or theories presented tie back on each other, when concepts are connected. Connection is definitely a part of this book.

I usually don’t do the exercises offered in books. Platkin’s exercises were different, intriguing and though they were time consuming, I found myself “filling in the blanks.” I was glad I had. About two-thirds of the way through the book, Platkin circles back, asking the reader to look at what they wrote early on in the book in light of what they now knew. The review was eye opening.

So much for the book’s structure., Platkin hooked me with his first sentence: 

“Have you ever had a sickening sense of reliving the same events in your life--having the same conversations or arguments--again and again?”

This merry-go-round sense was not only familiar, I learned it is the result of our patterns.

PRINCIPLE #1:  PATTERNS

Patterns are habitual behaviors or “dances” we do without even realizing we are doing them. Those last few words “without realizing we are doing them” are the key.

“When you become aware of where your personal patterns of behavior lead you, you can modify them and your life will change.”

Ignoring the past or being “strong” keeps these habits or patterns in place. To start your journey toward awareness, Platkin asks the reader to ask three questions:

• How am I contributing to my own setbacks, unhappiness or lack of achievement?
• Do I really have a choice?
• What patterns am I repeating as I wind up in the same place no matter how different the starting point?

Breaking patterns, he says, is about finding new ways to look at old problems. He uses an analogy of getting to work each day. After the first few days, you don’t have to think about it anymore. You just drive. But what happens if the route is under construction? You have to be creative and thoughtful to find the most effective path to your destination.

Platkin urges us to “think of yourself as the driver and the car in your life. When the road is bumpy or dangerous, kicking the car or cursing your destination doesn’t get you back on the road. What gets you to your destination? Being aware of your own actions as driver and the condition of the car.

Awareness is the first step to change. You created your habits and you can change them once you know what they are.

Four Common Patterns

• blaming someone else
• self sabotage
• bad choices or denial 
• seeking shortcuts or the path of least resistance

Even without expanded definition, do you think any of these might be getting in the way of you achieving your goals?

How can you discover your patterns?

Platkin recommends thinking like a detective. Detectives look for patterns in crimes and criminal behavior. What is the criminal’s MO? When digging for your patterns you must be both sleuth and prime suspect.

• list what you want to achieve
• gather the facts
• list your accomplishments

Platkin gives readers structure and support by giving over 20 pages of exercises to help you find your patterns.

PRINCIPLE #2:   FAILURE

Platkin’s section on failure was the most interesting and freeing for me. We are all too quick to stick failure on ourselves and then run away or become discouraged. Failure can be about learning.

One particular learning this chapter: “you never go back to square one when you fail because you are a different, more knowledgeable person this time around.” What a terrific way of looking at it!

Platkin believes understanding of self will deepen if you look at individual failures as jumping off points, chances to grow, and markers on the road to success.

Fear of failure is present in everyone. It is in the choices we make that we give it power or not. Everyone fears failure. Those who give up have only their fear. Those who persist may have their fear and success.

AN EYE OPENING EXERCISE

Platkin invites the reader to list 10 worst fears and ten things you would do differently if you weren’t afraid. We are not accustomed to listing our fears on paper. They swim in our heads and in our guts. For me, putting them on paper made them less serious.

STEPS FOR TURNING FAILURE INTO AN ASSET

• Recognize the failure

• Analyze the causes
• Take responsibility
• Set goals
• Be innovative
• Take action

PRINCIPLE 3:  RESPONSIBILITY

The responsibility principle seeks to change our notion of what it is to take responsibility for yourself. It urges the reader to recognize and identify responsibility-avoiding behaviors and patterns in business and professional life. Responsibility means taking accountability for and recognize our role in what happens to us.

Many things are out of our control, says the author, but we are always responsible for how we respond.

The book circles back after the Responsibility Principle and asks the reader to go back to that history of self and friends written earlier and re-examine what they wrote. What patterns do you see?

PRINCIPLE 4:  GOALS

Dreams take discipline. Many people take the path of least of resistance--going with whatever is at hand or whatever comes up. Once again, this becomes a pattern.

Breaking the Pattern dare us to take a pro-active role. Your goals are in your hands--it begins with knowing what you want.

We hear about goal setting very often. Platkin urges goal planning. In goal planning you not only write the goal down, you outline the steps to reach it. A plan of attack, a vision to be pursued.

The power of writing goals down has been proven. Why don’t we do it?

Having a goal is risky and anxiety producing:

• you admit to wanting something other than what you have.
• if you tell people, now you have to live up to it. 
• it suggests standards of perfection that must be met.
• it suggests a gap between reality and desire, and
• it carries the possibility of failure or not measuring up.

Ways to help it happen:

• be flexible--anticipate reality (sickness, mistakes, setbacks)
• identify possible obstacles (identify a Plan B)
• reassess your progress (monthly check-ins, how am I doing?)
• get feedback
• visualize :daydream with a purpose  

Platkin devotes ten pages to visualization.

PRINCIPLE 5:  ACHIEVEMENT

The final two chapters focus on the final principle, Achievement. 

Have you heard the old saying “The teacher arrives when the student is ready?”  Nothing happens until you are ready for it to happen.

The key to breaking any pattern is the desire to change. Desire to change comes before recognition of patterns, before understanding failure, and before taking responsibility for the course of your life.

What change do you want to achieve? Knowing what you want is the first step. To seize opportunities you must be aware they exist and be open to seeing them.

Awareness creates choice. Be aware of when you play it safe. As you notice it, ask yourself why?

The book ends with some amazing stories and a warning.

It takes years to create a pattern. It will not be a day’s work to become aware of them and change them. Change is a long and often hard process. Pursuing it or not is your choice. Platkin urges the reader to take baby steps and to acknowledge small successes as well as major ones.

Did I like Breaking The Pattern? Absolutely. Why?

• It is a fairly easy read. 
• While Platkin bases his principles on well-researched theories, the book doesn’t come across as a theory book. It is not at all textbook-ish.
• The author uses many, many examples from business, sports, the arts, and life.

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