| If this is your first visit to A Coach's (re)View... Welcome! Each quarter I post a review of a leadership/motivational book I recommend to colleagues and friends. Some may be old favorites, others are hot off the press. I am always open to suggestions for books to review. If you have a favorite you'd like to share with others, please contact me.
Claiming Your Place at the Fire: Living The Second Half Of Your Life On Purpose
by Richard Leider and David Shapiro
Whatever does it mean to "claim your place at the fire?" Richard Leider, one half of the team who authored this book, discovered this concept while leading a walking safari in Africa. Leider has been to Africa over 20 times. He heads walking safaris in Tanzanianot for the outdoor adventure of it, but for the inward learning.
During one of his "inventures," his group was sharing a campfire with members of the Hazda tribe. He noticed the older members of the tribe sat closer to the fire with the younger members in a larger circle behind them.
Elders, one man explained, earn a place closer to the fire through the sharing of their stories and wisdom with the younger members of the tribe. These stories are seen as a passing of the torch of wisdom from one generation to another.
One of the elders then asked Leider, "Who are the elders of your tribe?"
Leider had no answeras to his tribe, much less the elders. This simple question became the focus of deep conversations with his group for the rest of their time together and was the impetus of this book.
American culture celebrates youth the Baby Boom generation perhaps the most enthusiastically of all. Baby Boomers have changed the shape and tone of every life stage they move into. Now this group finds itself no long chronologically young. What is their place in the world?
The Hazda tribes idea of claiming a place at the fire requires a show of initiative from the elder wanting a space. Shapiro and Leider see this stepowning power, of saying I have something important to contributeas the missing piece to the role of elders in western society.
Will Baby Boomers accept the current cultural picture of aging or will they create a new picture of vital aging and become what the authors call "new elders," people in the second half of life who see their future as a blank page, a piece of clay to be crafted with passion and purpose?
There are examples of new elders before us already: Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter, Mick Jagger, Clint Eastwood, Tina Turner, John Glenn. Elders at work in the world.
New elderhood starts from within. To claim power as an elder requires a certain amount of reflection. Claiming Your Place is structured to help the reader reflect.
The authors examine four questions critical to sorting out who we are in the second half of life.
- Who am I?
- Where do I belong?
- What do I care about?
- What is my lifes purpose?
Each chapter focuses on one of these questions. At the end of each chapter is a section called the "Fireside Chat" which urges the reader to reflect on what they have read and join with colleagues, friends and family to further discuss the question for their lives.
The book provides the reader dozens of stories of people who have made this journey. These personal stories add the warmth of real life examples.
Chapter One: Identity - Who Am I?
In the second half of life, say the authors, we have the unique opportunity to become the author of our own story. We have a chance to rewrite rather than replicate the first half of our life.
Be retelling our story, we can rediscover and reinvent ourselves. Not by rewriting history, but by looking at and reflecting on the events of our life, the decisions and choices we made. Not to regret them, but to see how they brought us to where we are and who we are. How can they guide us in the second half?
The principle in Chapter One is wisdomthe harvest and transfer of past wisdom into the present.
Not just stories of "the good old days," but rather the ability to touch the lives and lived experience of others through our own stores in a way that brings the story alive in the present.
An example is Morrie, of Tuesdays with Morrie. When Morrie talks with Mitch of his own life events, the stories resonate beyond the details and encompass the emotional realities of Mitchs life as well.
At any stage we can review and take stock, but mid-life is a time when it may be possible to recover the life we have lost in living. It is a time to read the story of our life that we wrote in the first half.
Recalling our stories says the authors, can move us forward and free us from the hurts of the past by helping us put our lives in context. In the first half we "do," in the second half we make sense of it all. The inward look transforms the outward journey.
New elders accept the biology of aging, but reject the psychology of aging.
All experiences in your life have brought you to your current reality. Nowhere can you find better clues to your future than revisiting and reintegrating the life you have already lived.
Chapter One asks for reflectionhitting the pause button and looking inward.
Chapter Two: Where Do I Belong? Refinding Our Place in the World
The hunger for place is a deep-seated need in all of us.
As families grow older, parents pass away, children move away, traditions change; we inevitably ask the question "Where do I belong?" in terms of external place and internal sense.
Western culture doesnt do a good job holding a place for elders. We must claim our own place by focusing on what sustains and renews us. Finding our place starts inside. The authors use the example of a GPS. GPS will tell us how to get somewhere only if we know where we currently are.
A real sense of belonging to a place involves more than physical comfort. A sense
- we are seen by others,
- our contribution matters
- we are touching lives
plays a vital role in helping us feel like we are where we belong.
Think of where we traditionally call home: where we are most needed and where get our needs met.
A common complaint of older people is that they feel they are no longer needed.
The urge to help is a fundamental need. If we are in a place that doesnt need our help, where we cant help, we feel as if we dont belong. This also has implications for expressing our own needs and allowing others to meet them.
In the second half of life, finding our place is a matter of exploration, just as we did earlier in life. To live vitally, the authors say we must have a vision of whats ahead.
Chapter Three: Renewing Our Calling What Do I Care About?
The principle in this chapter is caring by the second half we are quite experienced in the world of work. Those of us who are lucky have been doing what we love.
Wanting to express ourselves through meaningful work doesnt diminish in the second half of life. A critical part of vital aging is passiondoing something we care about.
How can we use our gifts in a valuable and meaningful way as we move from full participation in work world to a vocation of elderhood?
Living on purpose in the second half of life presents a unique opportunity and a great challengeit is up to us to decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives.
Psychologists say the task of mid-life is to care for future generations. Interacting with people in the first half of lifecontributing meaning helps vitality. One of the most enduring qualities of new elders is a willingness to be open to and appreciate learning from people in the first half of life.
A common barrier to growth and fulfillment is the notion that it is "too late."
It is never too late to strive for personal mastery. Look ahead and imagine what you will be able to do.
There is a connection between a renewed sense of calling and a renewed sense of hope. To hope is to breathe with confident expectation of our ongoing fulfillment, to aspire to something better, to dream.
How do we keep hope alive when much we have hoped for is unavailable? Look to the past for hopehope that past was meaningful, made a difference in someones life other than our own. A good example: Jimmy Stewart in "A Wonderful Life." Whose life have you touched and changed just by being?
Chapter Four: Reclaiming Our Purpose
The fourth chapter begins with the story of Fredric Hudson, founder of the Fielding and Hudson Institutes. In a moving quote he says: "I am at the end of who I was and at the beginning of who I might become." It is only later the reader understands Hudson is battling Alzheimers disease, yet is open to the changes it will impose.
Retirement, say Leider and Shapiro, is an artificial concept and one that for new elders may be obsolete.
There is both opportunity and danger in a youth-driven culture. We can look, feel, and act younger than our parents generation. Will we go for this and shun the value and meaning of aging? Not if we see purpose in elderhood.
When able to claim and live our purpose, we have taken the most important step to growing whole. Growing whole not "old" is the mantra of this book.
New elders are people who are living on purpose in the second half of life; people who are finding their voice and are claiming their right and responsibility to speak.
Becoming a new elder is a choice characterized by, "a willingness and desire to continue and deepen the experience of living knowing life is about on-going development at every age."
As we grow whole, we become seasoned citizens vs. senior citizens.
Claiming Your Place At The Fire: Living The Second Half Of Your Life On Purpose is an important read for those contemplating retirement, working with older adults or feeling the "itch" of is-this-all-there-is? The book looks at growing older in an inspiring, enthusiastic yet realistic way. There is work left to do once we have stepped back from the workplace. Lets get to it! |